What is it like "at a distance"? (PART I)

This type of relationship in the encyclopedia of love, if such existed, should have a separate volume. Because there is nothing weirder than a long-distance relationship. Judge for yourself: we are meeting, so we are together? And if we are far from each other, then we are not together? But this is where the magic called love comes to the rescue, which from “not together with bodies” makes “together with hearts”. And it depends only on the two of you whether this magic will come in the form of love personally, or whether it will limit itself to sending you its lower rank deputies – a short affair, a chance meeting or a weekly hobby.

But don’t jump to conclusions. An insidious relationship at a distance can wait you in the most unexpected places – on the sunny coast of Spain or in a cafe in Berlin. Or they can come in the form of an invitation from a foreign university. Be that as it may, no one is immune from them. After all, you cannot command your heart, and you understand that it would be much more convenient if we choose a loved one according to the parameters of a convenient location to the house and financial wealth. Then you could love John from the next doorway: your mothers are friends, and you went to the same kindergarten – solid pluses! But if the heart begins to pound only from that special voice, although by phone, and only from that special look, although through the screen monitor, there is nowhere to go.

COUNTING DAYS, COUNTING DAYS..

So, if this is already the fourth day of vacation or the second cup of coffee in a cafe, and you already clearly feel a tickling in your stomach, and your hand is increasingly drawing hearts on any convenient surface, it’s time… No, don’t overthink your relationship. And turn on the head. You do not need to run away from him/her when they first appear with shouts: “I do not want a relationship.” No, you need to enjoy, but only decide for yourself that you are enjoying here and now. And if you really want to continue, think about what you can expect.

you are worth every mile between us.

Imagine the situation: you are sick. How much you want to feel the care of a loved one, to receive oranges and instructions from him/her, so that next time you won’t go without a hat outside. And here all you can get is a sympathetic glance through the monitor in Skype. And tea with lemon will have to be brewed by itself. Or another situation: you were invited to a birthday party, where everyone will be with their half. Who are you with? With his picture on your phone? Yes, and this is the maximum.

And there are thousands of such examples …

You are in your world – he/she is in his/her. Yes, the first week you will be warmed by memories, his likes on Instagram and hour-long phone calls. Or even two weeks. Or a month.

In any case, there might come a time when he/she doesn’t send “Good night.” Okay, I forgot, I’m tired – who doesn’t happen to? And then he/she won’t send a good morning wish. No, he/she didn’t stop loving you and in his voice on the phone you still hear gentle notes. You miss him/her as well as on the first day of your separation. But everyone’s life does not stand still, every day so many things happen: you signed up for yoga, you were invited on an expedition, you got a job in a magazine. And the brain tends to overshadow what is not so important at the moment. No, you are, of course, important to him/her! But the cycle of events around him/her can make him/her forget to wish you good night. Just once, what nonsense, it’s just a message, because he/she still loves and remembers you.

But how to explain to a person how much the importance of messages increases, when they should perform the function of both dating, and going to the movies and evenings in front of the TV, because messages and calls are all that lovers have at a distance. Yes, of course, you say, you need to increase the duration of telephone conversations so that nothing is forgotten. But all those events that occur during the time when you are not together will simply not physically fit into any telephone conference. Anyway, something will remain behind the scenes.

No, if you try very hard, they will even fit in, but now is not about that. And you will never run away from jealousy. Trust – yes, but when a person is on the other side of the Earth, and has not written “Good night”, rich imagination comes to the rescue. And again, the nerves.

Lack of contact. No, we’re not talking about sex now. Although about this too, but we will not say for the hundredth time that long abstinence is harmful, you already know. For a good purpose, you can be patient.

But now we will talk about something else. Psychologists have such a term – mutual recognition. This is the ability of a person to enjoy the fact that he/she receives any information about another person. Due to the accumulation of such information, an affectionate attitude towards this person arises. So, mutual recognition is a very long-term process that takes place throughout life. It builds a mother’s love for her child, family and friendships.

But for recognition to be successful, it must be continuous. Nature has made sure that we know how to forget what we love, and did it very cruelly. A child of 5-6 months forgets his own mother in 3-4 weeks, a 2-year-old remembers him/her for 2-3 months. The older we get, the longer pauses we are capable of without losing the quality of communication. But, nevertheless, everyone has a framework, and they are individual. Half a year apart is already close to the critical low mark. Usually during this time, even spouses who have lived together for several decades are internally reconciled with the death of a partner.

For many of us, long-distance relationships can be challenging. It will take a lot of effort and optimism to translate your temporary long-distance relationship into a permanent strong love union. However, nothing is impossible!

Long-distance relationships are difficult. For some, it’s not an option at all. But for me it has its own charm. Kilometers sometimes, on the contrary, bring us closer. I caught myself few times at a distance relationship. Maybe it comes from my parents being as an example, that is why I am always in for such a thing. It is so much different than any other experiences. It teaches you to value the time more. Being on a distance, helps you to understand the person better. To find out who you really are with! Even if it doesn’t feel like.

Someone says that to get to know a person better, you should travel with that person. Your other half will get out of their comfort zone and this is when you truly understand how your love is. Use long-distance as one more reason to travel: visiting you, visiting him/her, meeting in the middle.

This is not the end. There is still so much to say, come back next Monday and reach out more!